On as many mornings as possible I like to spend about 20 minutes stretching out in the family room. I always keep a mellow CD in slot #1 on my player so I can start my day out right physically. This morning was the first time I hit the floor in over two weeks. I switched out the CD to The Beyman Brothers and began my unofficial routine.
Lying on the floor attempting leg stretches had me doing some free association in my brain. I tallied up my list for the day and thought about some recent conversations and postings I'd read on Facebook. Next my routine called for some touch-your-toe stretches while sitting up. By that point I had meditated my way into an attitude of dependence on God. I leaned to the left and reaching for my toes, whispered, "Lord, expand my heart to love." As I felt the resistance and pain in the muscles of my back, thighs and calves, I think God may have whispered back, "OK, but this is how it is going to feel."
Now it wasn't a terrible pain, mostly just a discomfort, and I knew that if I kept submitting myself to this process, it would eventually not hurt at all. Learning to Love is like that.
Jesus said, "As I have loved you, so love one another. And Paul writes, "We love because He first loved us." What I have discovered in myself and in many other Christians is the attitude that this is somehow automatic...that whatever gratitude I feel toward God for the initiation of my redemption... equals my love towards other people. What this very subtle mindset creates in some people is a stopping point rather than a starting point.
But just because the Bible tells us to love...because God loved us first...does not mean we even come close to knowing what that means in our innermost being. Learning to love is a process...a painful, life long, take-you-by-surprise, stretching, who-do-you-think-you-are, stomp-your-foot-tantrum kind of process. If we think it is not...we are not surrendering ourselves fully to the transformation of the Holy Spirit. If we react to the attitudes and actions of others, rather than having compassion on them or trying to hear their heart behind their words, we are not giving ourselves to the Holy Spirit. If our attitude is to just "hang on" until Jesus comes back, rather than being agents of love and redemption on earth as it is in Heaven, we are holding back out of fear, holding on to our security and holding out nothing that the world wants for their lives.
Jesus' message was about accepting LIFE and loving the world to bring about the Kingdom. Good news! If we ever think we have arrived, got it all figured out, or that our love quota is full and enough...look out. Or in KJV biblical vernacular...take heed! Lest we all fall.
I believe the Abundant Life is available right now here on earth and filled with more things than we can hold...things we haven't even thought of. But I also believe it takes a lifetime of stretching and expanding to fit them all into our hearts..
Recently, I talked for two hours with an old college friend who now lives out of state. She told me that every time she goes to worship and begins to pray, three words from God flood her thoughts, "Wider, Deeper, Wilder."
That is the river of love I want flowing out of me. That is what I'll keep asking God for each morning.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
THE GATES OF LIFE
I believe the Word, and crawl on hands and knees in a perpetual state of hypocrisy trying to do and become the things He spoke about. One of those things was the different type of gates presented daily to us to walk through…the small gate and the wide. What I love about Jesus and his teachings are the dichotomies embedded in many of them. We know them; to be rich, become poor; to be a leader, be a servant; to be the greatest, become the least. Implicit in the parable of the gates is another dichotomy.
I believe that to enter the small gate - the one Jesus said leads down a narrow path of eternal abundance - our hearts must be broad. Our hearts must be open to life and absent of fear. Think of what Jesus meant before speaking this parable when he asked us to loosen our grip on security (fear) and act like a bird, relying completely on God’s provisions. All that acquiring and worry has to be replaced with something…maybe things like risky faith, or simplicity and creativity or paying attention to what the Spirit is doing, like the wind, around us. Broadening, by its very nature, increases abundance.
To walk that narrow path, our hearts must also be humble and meek enough to accept, as God’s glory, all creatures big and small; all peoples and their cultures; all dichotomous individuals with their wonder and corresponding sins. Then our hearts must be big enough to look past and forgive those sins, as we extend a human hand of love. It is the love, Jesus said, that will conquer whatever wound or evil hold - and never fail.
Open hearts are ones that have been broken and felt the disappointment of life. They have struggled, spending each day of beating asking the hard questions, seeking the tough answers and knocking wildly to see God’s face at the door.
Open hearts are also the ones that treasure within them the broad joys of life, who have learned to beat to the drum of the terminally ill…without the illness…taking nothing for granted but giving thanks in (literally) everything. From the simple to the sublime. From the good to the bad. Broad hearts…few and far between.
I also believe, in contrast, that to enter the Broad Gate of destruction is easy and most people, Jesus said, will take that path of least resistance. To enter this gate requires that your heart be narrow – that you judge people and situations quickly and often. This gate is not difficult to find, as it is tall, gaudy and wide. There is a line of people filtering through it complaining about their rights (6:25-32), or enjoying sweet fellowship around the common enemy du jour (5:43), or holding grudges against their brethren (5:21-23) or Ceasar for something they did or didn’t do.
Before entering this gate there is no requirement to seek for it, to ask where it might be found, to knock to see if it is the gate God stand ‘s beyond or the one he closes behind you. It is just there and it looks like the right way to go.
You have heard it said, “If it was easy, everybody would do it.”
“Truly,” Jesus said, “only a few find it…and you will know them by their
fruit.”
I believe that to enter the small gate - the one Jesus said leads down a narrow path of eternal abundance - our hearts must be broad. Our hearts must be open to life and absent of fear. Think of what Jesus meant before speaking this parable when he asked us to loosen our grip on security (fear) and act like a bird, relying completely on God’s provisions. All that acquiring and worry has to be replaced with something…maybe things like risky faith, or simplicity and creativity or paying attention to what the Spirit is doing, like the wind, around us. Broadening, by its very nature, increases abundance.
To walk that narrow path, our hearts must also be humble and meek enough to accept, as God’s glory, all creatures big and small; all peoples and their cultures; all dichotomous individuals with their wonder and corresponding sins. Then our hearts must be big enough to look past and forgive those sins, as we extend a human hand of love. It is the love, Jesus said, that will conquer whatever wound or evil hold - and never fail.
Open hearts are ones that have been broken and felt the disappointment of life. They have struggled, spending each day of beating asking the hard questions, seeking the tough answers and knocking wildly to see God’s face at the door.
Open hearts are also the ones that treasure within them the broad joys of life, who have learned to beat to the drum of the terminally ill…without the illness…taking nothing for granted but giving thanks in (literally) everything. From the simple to the sublime. From the good to the bad. Broad hearts…few and far between.
I also believe, in contrast, that to enter the Broad Gate of destruction is easy and most people, Jesus said, will take that path of least resistance. To enter this gate requires that your heart be narrow – that you judge people and situations quickly and often. This gate is not difficult to find, as it is tall, gaudy and wide. There is a line of people filtering through it complaining about their rights (6:25-32), or enjoying sweet fellowship around the common enemy du jour (5:43), or holding grudges against their brethren (5:21-23) or Ceasar for something they did or didn’t do.
Before entering this gate there is no requirement to seek for it, to ask where it might be found, to knock to see if it is the gate God stand ‘s beyond or the one he closes behind you. It is just there and it looks like the right way to go.
You have heard it said, “If it was easy, everybody would do it.”
“Truly,” Jesus said, “only a few find it…and you will know them by their
fruit.”
Monday, August 17, 2009
I TOOK A WALK TODAY...
...and BUTTERFLIES were EVERYWHERE
around the deck and in the prairie!!!
around the deck and in the prairie!!!
Tiger Swallowtail on Butterfly Bush
Sharing a Meal
Tiger Swallowtail-Frontal View
Monarch on Butterfly Weed
Black Swallowtail
Great Spangled FrittilaryAND
Many of you know that after we "limed" the pond, it came to life (hence, the name, Lazurus Pond)...first with some aquatic transplants, then some amphibians, then a few more dragonfly species and now sedges....which have helped all of the above flourish.
Dragonfly Larvae CasingTuesday, July 14, 2009
FOCUS
I’ve been thinking a lot about focus lately. I guess one does that when one’s life seems somewhat like a blur, or in my case, not so much that I am moving at a fast pace, but more my uncertainty of how many and which things to focus on. As my energy levels out to the half-century mark, taking a look at where I continue to expend it seems like a worthy exercise.
Those who are close to me know that I am a list-maker. It helps put my ever-analyzing, ever-questioning, ever-scheming mind to rest, as I make judgments on things to buy or chronologically order each of my tomorrows, etc. So today, as I wrestled with this problem of this life-in-dilution, I made a list all of the “beings” I am. Could there be something I cut from my life? How can I change or re-direct my personal phenology (in nature, the study of what happens, when and where) to, as Oprah Winfrey eludes, “have it all, just not all at once,”
I’m sure most people feel this tension, but for me it has always had a bit of a sting to it. Most of my female peers had their lives defined fairly readily out of the gate by either a job or children…and a few by children later in life. My lot of passions (creativity, contemplation, nature) fell in areas not whole-heartedly embraced or understood by the church, where I spent way too much time looking for validation. So I dabbled in all those passions to some degree but never fully…the list was too long and too diverse...and when you’re young, you always feel in a hurry.
And even though I have discovered God's validation, and that my heart’s desire is no further than my own backyard, the dream of doing a few things really well, even expertly, still haunts me on occasion.
- A Wife who knows a quality relationship takes quantity time
- A Gardener of Native Plants & Vegetables...for two landscapes
- A Friend to 5 or 6 local compadres', with whom I love & need to connect
- A Retreat Leader who needs to be thinking & planning 3 months ahead
- A Business Owner who needs to be marketing regularly
- A Naturalist who continually needs to be “in the field” learning more
- A Writer of fiction, poetry, 3 blogs, a daily journal and a website
- A Domestic Goddess of 2 houses, one that must be ready at all time for patrons
- An Aunt who should do more
- A Mentor to several 'tweens in the neighborhood Kid's Club
- A Contemplative, who needs time to reflect, read, commune with God
- A Designer who needs some creative downtime...and rarely gets it.
- A Body that needs feeding, washing, exercise and sleep
- A Counselor to young married couples
- An Environmentalist who’s choices are never convenient or easy
- A Disciple that needs a degree of community and sacred connections.
- A Child of God who needs to just BE and know she is Beloved
None seem frivolous (at least not to me), all are important, all need time, all need creative thought and all need prayer...that I see the lamp at my feet bringing more and more of my life into clarity. I'd love to hear how you manage all your hats, how you have learned to do it all (or not) or let it go...and how you decide what to focus on (or not). Maybe we can help each other.
Monday, July 13, 2009
THINGS I DISLIKE ABOUT NATURE!
Now, I know I am always writing about the things I love about nature, sometimes trying to convince you, the reader, to love them too. But as I walked the Refresher Course, musing on life, I got to thinking about some of the things that just really "bug" me. Oddly, bugs didn't make it into my top 7 list:
The Modesty of the Ground
Soil refuses to lay bare and be exposed for long. It must cover itself always...and often with things I don't want...like invasive species or tree saplings smack-dab in the middle of my perennial garden...making me feel like a bad eco-cad for ripping it out of the ground. This need for some kind of green garment makes the task of mulching and weeding a constant burden...and if you put it off for a few weeks...oi!!
The Mental Telepathy of Butterflies
I see a butterfly gorging on the nectar of a prairie flower...I have my camera on, pointed, set and ready to go. Then, just when I say to myself, "OK, one more step and I'll be close enough to take the shot," it flies away. This happens over and over...with every butterfly...becoming increasingly frustrating. After awhile a lepodopteria conspiracy theory begins to develop in my mind...
The Mutability of Mushrooms
I suppose I don't have the patience to begin ID-ing fungi at Prairie Pond Woods just yet...because one day it is one color and the next it is red or bumpy or takes on a completely different shape. They vex me.
The Magic of Spider Webbing
Even the most seasoned naturalist, if only mildly tortured, will confess to hating the surprise and sensation of walking face first into either a piece of silk strung across a path, or a full-blown orb. It is one of the most disconcerting experiences because in most cases the spider is never seen...and could easily be anywhere!
The Masochism of Thorns
I have scars on my legs from blackberry canes, rosa multiflora branches, and greenbrier vines that are never going away! They are deep, long lacerations, altering whatever feminine quality my "gams" have left. Sometimes when I come back from a walk, blood is dripping off of me and I don't even know it.
The Limitation of Humidity
How much doesn't get done that either should get done or we want to do, because of the quality of the air, when it is no longer a gas but borders on being a solid? Its just no fun when you can't breathe or thermo-regulate!
The Chutzpah of Racoons
I never kill a racoon because I think something that smart deserves to live and procreate. Even though they cost me hundreds of dollars in broken objects, demoralize me when I think I have outwitted them, and obviously hate my potted flower arrangements...I still gotta hand it to em! But I don't have to like it.
The Fecundity of Cats
I discovered a cat lounging in my vegetable garden about a month ago. Since our lives are a bit hectic these days to incorporate our first love, German Shepherds, into our lives, we thought maybe we would keep it. That is, if it fit into our lives...not too needy, not too schitzoid, not too clingy. It was smaller than our last cat, The Dude (may he RIP), so we thought we had time to get it spade, de-clawed, etc. About 2 weeks ago, I noticed projecting nipples and bulging sides. We should have added "not too pregnant" to our rental agreement. Anyone want a kitten?
Monday, May 25, 2009
MAGGEE MARSH BOARDWALK...
In mid-May, for the first time since 2003, I went north again to a wonderful place near Sandusky, Ohio called Maggee Marsh, for some of the best birdwatching in North America. Right on Lake Erie, this area (and the surrounding Ottawa National Wildlife Refuge) is a bottleneck for warblers and other migrants heading to their breeding grounds in Canada. While some will stay and breed, many make a pit stop in the resource-lush wetland habitat to gorge on emerging caterpillars, spiders and other creepy-crawleys, before crossing the large body of water.
The weather the night before was ominous...lots of rain and strong winds (later we found out there had been tornado warnings)...and I wasn't sure setting the clock for 6:30 am was really a good idea. But watching out the back window of the camper van in the morning, the storm gradually settled down to a windy, overcast day, and off we went.
We could not have asked for a better day! The storm left the air clear, and the gusty winds kept the birds low in the trees, rather than up in the crown. We saw or heard a total of 66 species in over a day and a half. It was amazing!
The boardwalk makes birdwatching an easy hobby for bird enthusiasts, as well as photographers and those with disabilities. Capturing a warbler with a camera is no small feat...they move fast and often only stay within viewing a brief moment. We did our best...enjoy!
You can view the web album for our trip to Maggee Marsh at:
THE VETCH IS BACK!
All morning, before the sun snuck around to the front of the house, I pulled a certain weed from my perennial garden that just will not die! It took me over 2 hours to yank only the stems from around my other flowers, so they will receive light and whatever water is left after the deceptively delicate demon-plant has sucked it all from the soil.
The pile was much bigger before I let it fry in the sun!
See, at some point in the past, ODOT thought it would be a good idea to plant crown vetch on the steep sides of highways in order to stem the tide of erosion….and for that application it was a brilliant idea because, as I mentioned, the root system could hold together a pre-fabricated bridge. But now, having learned the hard way, we know that introducing a non-native plant or animal into an ecosystem can be like opening the kingdom doors for the Trojan horse. In the end, the good gesture turns out badly.
I’m sure the previous owner of the house planted crown vetch for the aforementioned reason on the steep grade by the driveway (eventually these invasives wind up at garden centers). My vision, though, has been to annihilate it and create a garden where native plants thrive in the hot sun and dry soil for which they adapted…but if I wait too long, even just a few days, and plant things before yanking up the vetch…it becomes a hideous, overgrown, choking mess of pretty, green fronds and sweet, pink flowers!
But beauty is definitely in the eye of the informed beholder.
The Last of the Crown Vetch at the back of the garden.
The root system below the fern-like plant is a high-strength, industrial grade woody vine. Three years ago, I sprayed a small patch of it with Round-Up, covered the stuff with 5 mil black plastic and secured it with large rocks, so it would receive neither light nor moisture. It fried and smoldered underneath through the intense heat of summer (it faces west), and froze solid in the temps of winter…and when I uncovered it the next spring…IT WAS ALIVE! Or some of it anyway, and it continues to return in that spot every year for me to pluck up. Unfortunately, the rest of the garden did not get that same aggressive treatment. So, on this Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend, while others are on picnics, playing golf, or at the annual opening of community pools, I am tiptoeing through a steeply sloped battlefield, doing hand-to-stem-combat and murmuring things like, “I hate you!” “You are of the Devil!” “Thank-you Ohio Department Of Transportation…brilliant idea!” 
The pile was much bigger before I let it fry in the sun!See, at some point in the past, ODOT thought it would be a good idea to plant crown vetch on the steep sides of highways in order to stem the tide of erosion….and for that application it was a brilliant idea because, as I mentioned, the root system could hold together a pre-fabricated bridge. But now, having learned the hard way, we know that introducing a non-native plant or animal into an ecosystem can be like opening the kingdom doors for the Trojan horse. In the end, the good gesture turns out badly.
I’m sure the previous owner of the house planted crown vetch for the aforementioned reason on the steep grade by the driveway (eventually these invasives wind up at garden centers). My vision, though, has been to annihilate it and create a garden where native plants thrive in the hot sun and dry soil for which they adapted…but if I wait too long, even just a few days, and plant things before yanking up the vetch…it becomes a hideous, overgrown, choking mess of pretty, green fronds and sweet, pink flowers!
But beauty is definitely in the eye of the informed beholder.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
A FEW WILDFLOWERS AT PPW
Jack-in-the-Pulpit
Trillium
Pink Lady's Slipper
Wild Comfrey
Hoary Puccoon
Wild Geranium
Columbine and Rock Cress growing on Dolomite Rock
Bluets in the Prairie
American Columbo
Can grow up to 25 years before blooming once and dying
SPRING WILDFLOWERS AT PRAIRIE POND WOODS
Jack-in-the-Pulpit
Trillium
Pink Lady's Slipper
Wild Comfrey
Hoary Puccoon
Wild Geranium
Columbine and Rock Cress growing on Dolomite Rock
Bluets in the Prairie
American Columbo
Can grow up to 25 years before blooming once and dying
I TOOK A WALK TODAY...
...THEN PRACTICED THE ART OF SITTING IN ONE PLACE!
On the way up to my favorite ridge for morning birding, I caught a glimpse of movement high in a tree and fairly far away. Usually I don't bother when something is that far off in the distance, but I had gotten a late start, so I wasn't going to be choosy. I'm glad I looked, because I faintly made out a male and female Rose-breasted Grosbeak. Two days before she had visited the feeder, and he, just yesterday, when I snapped a few photos of the handsome and colorful dude.
Also, on the way up, I heard a Yellow-billed Cuckoo (yes we have this exotically named bird), a Red-eyed Vireo, Hooded Warblers, Ovenbirds, Wood Thrushes and a Wild Turkey. By 9:30 most of the action had ceased, but I decided that maybe I should just sit for another half-hour. Maybe with all the chatter and fluttering over, something singularly interesting might happen...and it did.
On the way up to my favorite ridge for morning birding, I caught a glimpse of movement high in a tree and fairly far away. Usually I don't bother when something is that far off in the distance, but I had gotten a late start, so I wasn't going to be choosy. I'm glad I looked, because I faintly made out a male and female Rose-breasted Grosbeak. Two days before she had visited the feeder, and he, just yesterday, when I snapped a few photos of the handsome and colorful dude.
Also, on the way up, I heard a Yellow-billed Cuckoo (yes we have this exotically named bird), a Red-eyed Vireo, Hooded Warblers, Ovenbirds, Wood Thrushes and a Wild Turkey. By 9:30 most of the action had ceased, but I decided that maybe I should just sit for another half-hour. Maybe with all the chatter and fluttering over, something singularly interesting might happen...and it did. Sitting on the same spongy log I perched on last year...when two fawns sauntered by and we exchanged glances...two yearlings walked by again. Did I have my camera? No. But the scene replayed itself. They stopped, looked at me (or towards me), browsed some vegetation and moved on down the well-worn path. I could have stood up, walked three steps, and petted them.
What I love about nature is its rhythms and predictability...and also the occasional unpredictable anomaly. While I'm not overly sentimental about deer (i.e., hunting them), any face to face with a wild creature does stir the heart and soul. But this encounter, while rare, is not all that strange. Like most animals, deer have certain territories and ways of getting around those territories for resources and refuge. So if I went up to the ridge every week and sat on my cushy log, odds are I would encounter the same two deer on a regular basis.
I've already been fantasizing about putting a camouflaged swivel chair up there to take in all 360 degrees of bird songs and sightings...so those deer and I may become well acquainted by the end of summer.
What I love about nature is its rhythms and predictability...and also the occasional unpredictable anomaly. While I'm not overly sentimental about deer (i.e., hunting them), any face to face with a wild creature does stir the heart and soul. But this encounter, while rare, is not all that strange. Like most animals, deer have certain territories and ways of getting around those territories for resources and refuge. So if I went up to the ridge every week and sat on my cushy log, odds are I would encounter the same two deer on a regular basis.
I've already been fantasizing about putting a camouflaged swivel chair up there to take in all 360 degrees of bird songs and sightings...so those deer and I may become well acquainted by the end of summer.
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