RETREAT-Day 1

Wild Phlox greets me on the drive

Arrived at Prairie Pond Woods Monday in the late afternoon, just in time to unload (or schlep) my stuff from the car and walk the Refresher Course before it got dark.  First, I stopped at our morel hotspot but didn’t find a single one – at least not yet. Last year around April 15, this same nondescript patch yielded over 30 of the tasty mushrooms in varying sizes.  But this spring is like no other.

Columbine hangs from the dolomite rock

I can get easily discouraged, when strolling through the habitats, at the amount of invasive species encroaching on the lively patches of columbine or up the slender trees in the woods or in the prairie…indeed, a battle waits.  But today I just chose to notice only the delicate white, pink and purple wildflowers popping up between rough branches and dried brown leaves along the stream, hailing the beauty and joy of spring.

Anemone

They reminded me of one reason I am here on retreat – to spend time cultivating joy and contentment. They say it takes three weeks to develop a new habit, to retrain your brain and create new neural pathways of thinking and behavior.  I have eight.  Eight weeks to do mornings differently.  Eight weeks to eat differently and choose to move more rapidly.  Eight weeks to even approach these goals differently than I have in the past…to change the “pressure to produce” (call it being super working mom or efficient stay-at-home mom, or successful single woman, or reaching out to the ‘name your group’ saintly woman)...into the rest that bears fruit (call it love, joy, peace, patience….) 

Bluets greet me at the entrance to woods

So I’ll be giving myself permission and time needed to think creatively. My grip is loosening on agendas and my heart muscle is exercising receptivness to the Spirit’s leading.  Recently I read an article written by a woman who said she knew “God wanted me to let go of goodness and find freedom.”  The moment I read it, I got it. It doesn’t mean she became bad, but for her it meant “beginning to see life lived from the list of ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ would fall short of God’s ultimate desire for me.”

For my particular issues that means beginning to see life lived “careless in the care of God,” as someone very wise once said. I can find no better paraphrase for Jesus’ words in Matthew 6, where he suggests we learn a thing or two about freedom from the fat and happy birds or the flowers standing majestically in the fields.  It is a mindset that staunchly rejects self-judgment and humbly rejects status.  It is a mindset that allows the day to unfold however it does, as we do our best joyfully.

Sunset through the dogwoods

To be sure there is a lot to accomplish; all of us, everyday, feel this.  But the outcomes don’t need to sap our joy or our feeling of worth. The same job can get done whether our mindset is manic or whether it is calm. In fact, most of our stress is not what is happening outwardly but how we are dealing with it inwardly.  These days, when the over-whelming answer to the question, “How are you?” is “I’m over-whelmed,” wouldn’t it be nice to hear someone answer, “I’m free?”